I just want to write you and tell you that I love you. I know I verbally tell you as much as possible and I show you consistently. But, I want you to be able to read it when you feel alone.
Although I pray that you will never experience the feeling of disappointment, it is inevitable. The love I give you will be different than the world’s. Sometimes the world will love you conditionally. Sometimes the results of you loving someone else will leave you hurt. Sometimes your love won’t match another person’s love. Sometimes two loves don’t like. My love, understanding, and forgiveness derive from experience, correction, wanting what’s best for you, wanting to protect you, and unselfishness.
As I show you love consistently, I wonder if I am setting you up. Setting you up with the expectations of what love looks and feels like. I ask myself, “will you expect unconditional love from your first love interest?” I ask myself, will you listen to me if I tell you “It’s not you, it’s her?” I wonder if will you trust me when I tell you to continue to be strong and be yourself. I wonder will you listen if I have to tell you that you have to meet her where she needs to experience love. I wonder if you will adjust to match her love so that she knows how important the way she needs to feel is highly regarded by you.
Don’t let that energy you put into her, stay with her if it doesn’t work. I don’t want you to give love and leave it with her with a self-promise to never lose at love again. Don’t hold your ability to love hostage as a protection and coping mechanism. I want you to know that you can always re-apply. Just make sure the next time, it’s thought through. Even though one abused your love there will be one out there that will appreciate it.
As you get older, we can discuss the details deeper.
My love is different. My love comes from always wanting you to be happy, successful, protected, advanced, safe, appreciated, and honored. I am not loving you or telling you my love is different for you to compare. It is to protect and make you aware. My goal is to keep you smiling even when my decisions don’t make you happy. I am not speaking from perfection, I am speaking from protection.
I love you, Son.
Your Dad, Your Father, Your Biggest Fan.
(Photo Credit: Nichole)